YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
...You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
...You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
...You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
...You've ever been blacklisted at a bowling alley.
...You've done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
...You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
...Your high school yearbook is now a mug shot listing by the police department.
...Your idea of a seven course meal is a six pack and a sandwich.
...Your lifetime goal is to own your own fireworks stand.
...There's a stuffed possum hanging anywhere in your home.
...You prefer to walk the excess off your jeans rather than hem them.
...The primary color of your car is "Bondo."
...Your richest relative buys a new house, and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
...Your idea of a fine evening of entertainment consists of a six pack and a bug zapper.
...You have ever climbed to the top of a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
...Your belt buckle is larger than your head.
...You call your boss "Dude."
...You've been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
...You have to pay extra at the "House of Tattoos."
...You get an estimate from a barber before he cuts your hair.
...You've ever made change in the offering plate.
...Your taxidermy bill is larger than your yearly income.
...You look like Willie Nelson after you get a haircut.
...You own more cowboy boots than pairs of underwear.
...You've worn a cowboy hat to church.
...You have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside.
...You think BMW are call letters for a radio station.
...Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
...If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
...You've been to a funeral or wedding where there are more pickups than cars.
...Your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run."
...You have any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed."
...Your two year old has more teeth than you do.
...You have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
...Your girlfriend thinks the way you can pick your nose is cute.
...Your favorite actors are Gomer Pile, Goober, and Barney Fife.
...You have cut your grass and found a car.
...You've ever been to drunk to fish.
...You dry your hands on your pants legs instead of a towel.
...Anyone in your family has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
...Your father encourages you to quit school because his friend has an opening on the lube rack.
...You prominently display items you've bought at Graceland.
...You've ever barbequed Spam.
...you have a rag for a gas cap.
...Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
...Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
...You have a "Hefty Bag" for a passenger side window in your car.
...You have two cars jacked up in the front yard.
...Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
...Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
...You consider your license plate "personalized" because your father made it.
...You have a picture of Willie Nelson over your fireplace.
...You still have an 8-track player in your house or car.
...The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
...You have ever financed a tattoo.
...You barbeque hotdogs at the drive-in theater.
...You have driven down the road with your seatbelt hanging out making sparks.
...Someone asks for your ID and you show them your belt buckle . . . or tattoo.
...You went bowling on your wedding night.
...Your idea of a "Limo" is anything with hubcaps.
...Your dog and wallet are both on a chain.
...You have lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
...Every day someone knocks on your door thinking you're having a yard sale.
...Jack Daniels is on your list of most admired people.
...You see no need to stop at a rest stop because there's an empty milk jug in your truck.
...Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
...The Red Man chewing tobacco company sends you Christmas cards.
...You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
...You chewed tobacco during your wedding.
...People ask to hunt in your front yard.
...Your dad walks to school with you because you're both in the same grade.
...You think family reunions are a great opportunity to pick up women.
...Your wife has a beer gut, and you think it's attractive.
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